I had a horrible health day yesterday. I was so fatigued and irritable. So I am a little better today. Wednesday I was so blessed to have young friends come and help me out. We had lots of fun. I was able to sleep for a couple of hours and that’s probably how I made it through Wednesday. Then Thursday was just bad. I so want to be able to handle my life but I’m still having ups and downs. So many more ups than for the past 5 months or so. I am singing the praises of natural progesterone. I don’t want to give too many details online, but wow, I am a believer. Call me if you want to know more. So today, I am like where do I pick up after a day like that. Well, I think we’ll just take another day of school off. We can catch up tomorrow and on our planned off day next week and we’ll be just fine. I love the flexibility of homeschooling. But I am a stickler of not getting too far behind. I have organized each day’s work in a folder with the date, so only a couple days behind and the date thing gets confusing. So I refuse to do more than a couple days make-up and then we need to be back on the right day. So my laundry is piled up. My house is definitely not clean. But its okay. I’ve been here before. It can feel overwhelming and depressing, but I’ve learned that in an amazingly short time, I’ll be back on top of things once I feel all the way better. If I push too hard right now, I’ll burn out and then I will be really sad and frustrated. My great-grandmother, Nanny, used to say about housework, it will be there in the morning. Although I don’t want to live like that everyday or some morning I’d wake up to a mountainous heap of mess, reminding me that it is definitely here! I don’t mind using that saying to comfort myself once in a while when things are tough. I am reading a great book, The New Eve. Its the female companion to the Men’s Fraternity that Ben is attending at Twin Oaks. So far its really good. I’m only on Ch. 2. More to tell later on that. So today I’m going to work on my childrens morning routines, chore schedule. That’s a nice sit down activity that I need to get done anyway. (written Friday)
Forced into action
I sometimes don’t take care of issues until I’m forced into action. That’s not the way I want to be. Its just so easy to let things go if you don’t notice them. Then before you know it the situation has spiraled out of control and you think, I have got to do something to change this. This spring and summer forced me into noticing my failing health. I found myself actually unable make it through the day. I couldn’t drive myself anywhere, could not play with my children, could not even take care of their most basic needs, like fix a meal, or give them a bath without feeling so exhausted, dizzy, and so weak that panic would almost set in. There were many other symptoms that were playing with my head, that I couldn’t figure out. I’m not one to run to the doctor for myself especially. I also usually have a disdain for conventional Drs. who usually just prescribe a pill and don’t listen. We have been very poor (in earthly possessions) most of our marriage and I have learned to treat most things with alternative home remedies such as herbs and nutrition. I study Merck’s Physician’s Manual to help me understand anything that might be going on. I do not think I’m all that smart and many times have wished that we had health insurance or money to go to a dr, but God just hasn’t allowed that for most of our marriage. Ben got a great new job this spring and we finally have health insurance but are on a very tight budget. So running to a dr. is still not something I do flippantly. Also philosophically I haven’t changed. I still believe God made our bodies most times to have an amazing ability to heal themselves given the right stuff and support. Of course if the Lord wants to use physical means to take our life then no amount of eating green veggies can stop that. And I should also note that I do have respect for doctors who listen to their patients and care and actually think before prescribing drugs. We have been so blessed to use emergency room care for almost each family member. I think technology is a wonderful gift from God, but so is the advanced scientific understanding of nutrition and herbal medicine. I would never turn away care from a conventional doctor if any of my loved ones needed it. So philosophical explanation completed, now we can move on with the story: I ended up being in bed several days of each week, able to take it slow through most days, or rest up several days ahead of a planned activity and make it through, but I was not myself. It was very depressing to be this weak. Poor Ben and the children. I felt so bad for all of them. It was really bad. My back also gives me trouble and I couldn’t walk one fine day. We found a chiropractor close to home and he also took our new insurance:) I went to him after being forced to go because I couldn’t sit up, change a diaper, anything. As God would have it, this dr. helped fix my pelvis which had been locked up for quite a while. I had asked him in my low and depressed state if he knew any good medical drs. He said, yes, and what was going on? So I began to tell him some of how I had been feeling. He suggested that I fill out a symptom survey, which I did. After several days, we met again and went over the survey. I have a Vitamin B deficiency. It sounds so simple, but the symptoms are many and can put a real crimp in your lifestyle. My dr. has spent hours talking with me and he also put me on progesterone cream and flax seed oil for the main purpose of settling down my endometriosis which seems to be back and maybe causing some of my mysterious phantom-like back pain. I have been on a vitamin B complex for almost a month. I have had hours of feeling great and some not so great. But this is quite an improvement. I should know in a couple more weeks if we are on the right track. I think we are. I spent every free moment today re-reading a book called A Natural Guide to Pregnancy and Postpartum Recovery. Wow, according to this book we are getting it right. I learned so much today. I read that book before and had put myself on vitamin B but the quality was not as good as I had thought. I bought the best at whole foods, but they do not compare to these that only drs. can obtain. I can tell by the fact that I am not peeing all of these out like I was before. This book covered several areas of health such as hormones, diet, exercise, supplements, attitude. I am so encouraged to become proactive about my health instead of flat on my back and reactive. That’s a hard switch to make. It seems like our whole life is experiencing that switch and the agonies that you feel when you try to get ahead of the game when you have not been for so long. I know it will be worth it. It is so much less stressful to not be forced into action by unpleasant circumstances whether they be financial or health or something as mundane as meal planning. I have been amazed at how less stressful circumstances are when you plan a little. The rest of the world has probably got this figured out but I am a little slow. So my big goals to become proactive are: Plan menus for breakfast/dinners and grocery lists (did I mention that I am also fighting chronic systemic yeast and so I want to take my health to the next level and get over this once and for all so I want to plan the meals accordingly), plan an exercise routine that includes getting 20 minutes of sunshine everyday for me and the children (Vitamin D), and to develop morning routines for each of the children that include basic stuff like brush teeth, make beds, get dressed plus some chores that they will get allowance for. We already established bedtime routines that have helped immensely. I do not like rigid schedules but I love flexible routines that actually free up my mind from deciding what we should be doing next. It might sound rigid but it is sooo freeing for me. I got most of these ideas from the Flylady who wrote the book Sink Reflections. I love it. Oh, another goal: I want to organize all the household cleaning chores into a daily/weekly/monthly schedule and that kind of melds into my and the children’s daily routines. For me, one of the most depressing things is to find ourselves out of underwear (happened for real yesterday, Dearest, you don’t mind that I’m wearing your white cotton boxers, do you?) or having to search and search and search for the only white shirt for Noble in the huge pile of clean, not dirty, mind you, clothes. So it is a work in progress as I learn how to manage my home, my health, my children, my life. And I want to be proactive, but still flexible.
Just another day
It was just another day, busy with babies, children, schooling, meals, laundry, cleaning. I actually enjoyed it. By bedtime, 8 pmish for the children, I am really ready for a little break…but usually am dealing with sleep-fighter Teddy Bear, my 9 month old, till 11 pmish. He has a little fever today and so I have got to snuggle with him more than usual. I think it is tooth-related. He was about 1 degree warmer so it felt especially snuggly to hold him. He is now so active that those snuggly days are replaced with head butts and biting. We have received several fat lips lately. He is soooo cute, sorry to brag but how can I not? I laid him in the crib today and almost cried because I just love him so much. It was just a quiet gazing moment that just kind of got me. But, like I said, by bedtime, I was ready for it. The children were especially not ready for bed tonight, not sure why. Several goodnights were said and several tellings on one another for not going to sleep. Ben and I both were like sheww, is this ever going to stop? Then Joybelle came in and I started to get frustrated. I knew I had blown it when she started to cry. How dumb of me. She needed help with something she was struggling with and I told her to come to me and then I pushed her away. Well, what developed was a wonderful conversation about God, once I confessed how wrong I was. She is growing up so fast. I love it when we have time to talk like that. She has always been mature socially. So it is very fun to talk to her. She will be 7 at Christmas. God seems to be drawing her to himself and we are just watching and praying. What a wonderful parenting high to see God draw these little souls to himself. And what a grave reminder my own sin was to not stand in the way of that with my own selfishness. I am amazed at the supernatural work that goes on in such an ordinary, mundane task-filled day. I need to remember that and not be weary in well doing. I praise God for forgiveness and his promise to continue his good work in me and my children.
Sleep?
Why am I still up? The children are sleeping and this is so fun. When I first got on facebook I hardly slept for 2 weeks. I had a blast and can’t wait to get the countertop between our schoolroom and playroom cleared off. Uh-oh, just heard someone crying…they’re ok. When I get that cleared off, we’ve been here 5 months now, I’m going to let it be Ben’s little breakfast station. He stands and eats breakfast because its kind of lonely to go into the formal dining room with no windows and eat by yourself. I want to get 2 little bar stools so he and I can eat there while the little ones can sometimes eat at their little school table. I got a killer deal on that. Found a solid wood adult table for $15 on craig’s list and Ben sawed off the legs. So anyway when I get that bar cleared off I am going to also use that space to set up my computer during the day so I can facebook or blog when I get a chance during the day. Maybe, maybe I won’t choose to stay awake so late then. We’ll see.
Why am I blogging?
Good question. I really don’t have extra time. I have a lot of other things I should be doing, like sleeping, cleaning my house, etc. I am blogging for several reasons. One, I love to write. Always have. I need practice. I want to write a book about all God has so lovingly brought me through. Not because I think I am great, rather not. But then again, yes, that’s what I’m realizing. I am special to Him. My best friend, since the second grade, said I should write a book about my crazy life. She said no one would believe all this was really true, not even herself, if she had not known me and known it all to be true. We loved Anne of Green Gables when we were in high school so she suggested that I write Jodi of Foley (where I grew up), Jodi of Fairhaven (where I went to college) and so on with the respective places. Well the story starts, well at the beginning. As time passes I keep meaning to record my life, but keep getting more and more behind. So I decided to pick the busiest time of my life to begin. Aren’t I silly? I have got to start somewhere: right now I am in Saint Louis. Hopefully, I will be able to catch you up on the rest someday, but for now this will be a place to record some very mundane details of what’s going on in my life with five small children, and in my heart as God so graciously continues to bring me to a place of complete dependence on Him. I hope you will understand that I am not perfect nor trying to teach anyone anything. I am just sharing my life in hopes that God will encourage you that you are not alone in the battle we call life. I believe Christian women need to be real with each other so that we do not feel isolated or condemned in our struggles. I hope to share about marriage, children, loving God, finances, home management, or in my case lack thereof:), homeschooling, or anything else that God brings my way. I do not write as an expert but just as a girl struggling through all of these things. I love to make people laugh, so I hope we can have fun.
